Freedom through love

“I don’t think any of us are in danger of hearing Jesus say...” is how I heard Ray Ortlund begin his answer. The question was about hurt and love. How do you love people who have hurt you? How do you keep on loving people when you have been hurt so often? How do you love your neighbour (Mark 12:31), when they have been spiteful and unreasonable and have tried to make your lived experience a living hell? How do you love your brother or sister when, while you’re trying to lay down your life for them (John 15:13), they kick you, perhaps not with their feet but with accusations, complaints, or just indifference? How do you love your enemies (Matthew 5:44), while they are still your enemies? The question remains: “How do we love when there is so much hurt?”

If you’ve ever experienced relational hurt, you know it’s multifaceted pain. I have often been too quick to withdraw from others because of this; the elevated heart rate, the sleepless nights, the turmoil in my mind, the accusation, the misunderstandings, the disappointments, the lies, the never-enough, the thinking-the-worst-of-you perceptions... Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about because you’ve experienced this or worse. Hurt makes me want to hide, hold my ground, or even hate.

Jesus says: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for his friends” John 15:13. And then he goes on to tell his followers that they are his friends. The law of love is a pearl of wisdom beyond anything in this world. The law of love is higher and wider and deeper and more far-reaching than any other law and wisdom. Jesus calls us his friends, even when we hurt him. On the cross Jesus cries out “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34). When you are doing your worst, Jesus your friend extends his love and leans in praying for you “Father, I’ll pay for this, I want their forgiveness and restoration.” There has never been a moment in all of 'time' that Jesus looked at one of his followers and felt, thought or said, “I’m done with you” and then withdrew. He leans in. He leans in in love.

Put your hand up if you have been hurt. Me too. Maybe not as much as you, but I’ve had some experience. Put your hand up if you’ve caused hurt. Me too. Maybe you haven’t caused as much pain as I have, but most of us would like a few ‘do-overs’. “How do we love when there is so much hurt?” Is a question we all have some connection to.  

When Ray Ortlund gave his answer, it was like invisible chains snapped, and some divine permission was given to love extravagantly whatever the cost. The way I remember the moment is like this. Ray was asked the question: “How do we love when there is so much hurt?”. He went quiet and did his thinking face. He leant forward over his chair preparing us for an important thought. He got us to imagine seeing Jesus in heaven one day, and then he began to speak in his fatherly tone: “I don’t think any of us are in danger of hearing Jesus say: 'You loved too much!'”

Something in me broke free at that moment. Divine permission entered the room to love extravagantly, in spite of any hurt. Love is what gives hurt meaning. Hurt without love will only end up in bitterness. Love growing out of hurt is beautiful and precious. Hurt is not a reason to withdraw, it is an opportunity to engage in loving prayer and personal sacrifice for the good of others. Love removes expectations we put on people, erases disappointments, bears all things, and avoids harshness or rudeness or bitterness. And as I said before, I felt freedom enter the room. My felt experience was not healing of hurt, but freedom to love. Freedom to love is not freedom from hurt, it’s the freedom to live without being paralysed and disabled by hurt.

Extravagantly loving others is not only a gift to them, but also a great gift for the lover - it’s an expression of their freedom found in Jesus. When Jesus hung on the cross and cried out for forgiveness, it was because he was free. Jesus was not free from hurt; he was free to love. Jesus was not free of accusations; he was free to speak a kind word over his accusers. He was not free of enemies; he was free to call them to be his friends. He was not free from pain; he was free to give finite pain infinite meaning. Jesus was the freest human who has ever lived because he loved. He always loved.

“I don’t think any of us are in danger of hearing Jesus say: 'You loved too much!'”. Join me in forming some sort of otherworldly gathering of oddly wonderful people who love extravagantly.