Stepping out in Faith

I've been thinking about what it means to step out in faith. It can be both humbling and exciting at the same time. It is humbling to have our own weaknesses highlighted. It is exciting to be carried by God through our weaknesses. It is humbling to confront our weaknesses. It is exciting to face them with God and see what He will do with them. It is humbling to consider ourselves children. It is exciting to consider God our Father!

It makes me think of the trust my kids have in me. They're toddlers. Like any kids, they love to jump off of things into the arms of someone they love and trust. Someone like me, their dad. But convincing them to jump off of something in the first place was hard. They're courageous, adventurous kids, sure, but they know if they jump off the couch at their age it's going to hurt. They liked the idea of doing it, but they were afraid it'd go badly.

But with some gentle encouragement, they finally jumped for the first time and loved it. I caught them, of course. They laughed with joy and said "Again, again!" -- suddenly going from cautious to courageous. Uncertain to fearless. And each time they climbed back on the couch and threw themselves into my arms, they did it more confidently, more certain that there's no way I'll drop them.

Humble excitement. To know their dependence on their father, and feel empowered to enjoy more than they can possibly do on their own.

It's the same when God catches us.

For me, the most recent example of this was preaching at Kingscross. I hadn't really preached before. In fact, I've had a fear of public speaking for seemingly forever -- probably starting with a speech I thought I had memorised in middle school. I was to give it in front of the whole school, but when the moment came, I couldn't remember a single word. I stood there silently, staring at everyone for uncomfortably long and then just walked away. Of course, since then I still had to do some public speaking as part of school, but I always hated it. My knees and voice would shake. I'd be visibly anxious and very conscious of it. Even with every word written down in front of me, I'd do terribly on these assignments, and I always dreaded the next one.  

To preach at Kingscross was such a scary idea. Mark had been gently encouraging me to explore it for some time. I was determined to find out all the ways God wants to use me, so I had to at least give it a go. It seemed like the only way to really rule out preaching as a way I could serve.

In His kindness, God had been preparing me for it. He put a community around me who made me feel safe to fail. He built up, over the last year, a familiarity with the stage through hosting. He put wise and experienced friends near me to give me advice beforehand and gentle but helpful feedback afterwards. He had built up my courage to jump off the couch, regardless of the outcome, trusting that God is there to catch me. So I gritted my teeth, committed to it, and stepped out in faith.

And God caught me.

By His grace, my knees didn't shake. I wasn't overcome with anxiety. I was nervous about doing it, but when the time came, I said what I needed to say, and the Kingscross community heard me. They engaged with me. And so I could share from God's Word for 40 minutes straight, unhindered.

And so now, like my kids, I can't wait to do it again. To humbly accept my weakness and trust in God's strength. To rely on Him to glorify Himself through me, again. How exciting! What fun! Knowing it's not in my strength but in His, I can see how so much more is possible. What is impossible with man is possible with God. Praise God!

Don't get me wrong -- I still have no love for public speaking. On my way to church the following Sunday to host the service (welcoming, announcements, etc), I still battled my regular pre-speaking anxiety, despite hosting being a far smaller task than preaching. But I know from experience that God can use me to preach and teach in a way that seemed impossible to me, and I really am eager to do it again. And again. To practice and improve and teach from God's Word more effectively each time, God-willing. And I'll do it in His strength alone.

Is God preparing to use you in your weakness? How might God be asking you to step out in faith and trust Him to catch you?