Worthy to suffer

Worth isn’t having good self-confidence; you can have good self-confidence and be an entitled brat. That’s not gospel living. There is a lot of well intentioned Christian teaching that goes along the lines of “You’re worth it, you deserve it, God thinks you're amazing and beautiful and fantastic,” and they; possibly without realising, take that as the reason for why God loves us. God doesn’t love us because we bring anything to the table; he just does, because he’s God. Any doctrine which points to our glory instead of his is not gospel-centred and is unhelpful.

I remember when I was living under this sort of mentality; wanting to live out my “worth,” and how I deserved to be treated better than I was being, and I began to put myself above others rather than living sacrificially. Putting others before ourselves, isn’t necessarily living out of a place of worthlessness; it can also come from a place of generosity, love, kindness, compassion, humility and tenderness. Who would berate a mother for putting her children above her own needs? Sure, we might encourage her to look after herself, but the mother we criticise is the one that lives selfishly to the neglect of her children. But isn’t she just doing what her society has encouraged her to do? The mother we would praise is the one that manages to go to all the soccer games, have dinner on the table, have lunches packed everyday, stays up all night with sick children while she herself runs on fumes due to lack of sleep; there is such beauty in sacrificial love, which instinctively we know as a good thing but ironically, runs contrary to the message that our culture blasts to us. Look after #1, do what your heart tells you, do what’s right for you.

But in reality, when this is actually lived out, we despise it. I recently watched a heated series of “Married at First Sight;” a truly terrible show. Throughout the show, people behaved selfishly, the climax being when it was revealed one bride had been cheating on her husband for almost the entirety of her short marriage. When the group found out they were disgusted with her behaviour, claiming she was being selfish in not even giving her new husband a chance. Her defence was relentless, consistently claiming that she did not regret her actions, there was no chemistry between them, never would be and she had just taken the opportunity with someone who she felt had a lot more in common with; such as eating breakfast and going to the gym. She did what she felt was good for her, she followed her heart, she did what she had to do to get what she wanted. She did what our culture has been preaching to us, and yet when she lived it out, she got crucified!! I think deep within us, even though we are told to look after #1 first at whatever cost, we know that this is wrong; even if we are not consciously aware.

We praise selfless  behaviour even though it is not a strong message in our culture. I believe this is because it is an innate quality that our kind, selfless, sacrificial Father has put in us, because we are his children and his image bearers. But honestly, how different is this message of self- worth that’s being preached to us so often in Churches today? And while it sounds fantastic “God loves you, you’re an awesome person, you deserve to be treated well.” If you play the implications of that out, there is no room for sacrificial love; any loving sacrifice you make ends up bringing glory to you and not God. because you continue to tell yourself, I deserve to be treated well and if I do anything more, that’s a bonus, because God made me this way, God made me a good person. When we do these things we get told “Oh aren’t you a good person, good for you!”

We have come to believe that living sacrificially is a bonus, it’s like doing over-time, when in fact it is the bare minimum. To live and love sacrificially is the truest mark of the disciple; to love others at our own cost, when we suffer for their benefit is not doing above and beyond, it is what we are called to do as disciples of Jesus; the one who clearly exemplified this in the most extreme way possible. I think the enemy being as crafty as he is has confused us with his many lies by mixing them all together. We have been beautifully and wonderfully created, but we are not good people. Once we had been created good, but we have been corrupted by sin. Our good design, and deep value and worth that comes from being children of God, that were purchased with the blood of Jesus, does not entitle us to be treated well. It does not mean, God loves me therefore he says that I can put myself above others. Heck, even if we actually were good people, it does not entitle us to live selfishly. Being good is not a prerequisite for God to bless you and for you to have a suffering-free, happy life.

That’s called moralism, and it is the opposite of what Christianity is. Christianity teaches us that God and God alone is good and there is no way to reach him apart from recognising our sinfulness, repenting and choosing to believe in Jesus and his gift of Salvation. But to take it one step further neither good design or good behaviour are reasons to live a life other than the one that Jesus has called to us to, which is one of sacrificial love. I think we have become confused with the whole “God loves you, he says you’re awesome,” thing and turned it into an excuse to live the way we want to; a reason to put ourselves above others. Jesus himself, the very son of God, who was absolutely perfect in every way and in both of those things, lived a life full of difficulty and suffering. He lived a life of sacrificial love, because he loved the Father and knew the Father’s love for him and for his children; he knew the Father’s heart. The reason he chose the path of suffering and selflessness was because his heart was filled with love, pure love. His divine character, in all of its depth, even THIS, did not entitle him to live a life where he put himself above others. His defining character was compassion, deep  empathy for those who were broken and suffering, and it was this heart of compassion that led him to the cross. It was not a heart of entitlement, even though of all people, he would have a reason to be treated well if there was one. “This is my son, with Him I am well pleased.”

These were the words spoken to him by his Father. Jesus had favour with God, God was well pleased with him. So then why did he allow him to be treated poorly and to suffer so? Because God’s deep love for us, does not exclude us from a life of suffering. God’s favour and loving heart towards us, does not equate to being treated well, nor is it a reason for us to live selfish lives. They do not go hand in hand. Let me say it again, “God loves you,” does not mean you deserve to be treated any better than anyone else. In fact, I believe, the deeper we delve into God’s heart and discover it’s beauty, the more we are attracted to his character and the more we would begin to see suffering not as God’s displeasure towards us, but as a crucial part of discipleship which we desire to partake in. We desire it not in a macabre or sadistic manner, but because we know that God is using it for his glory and has a divine purpose in it for our good. Perhaps more so than desiring suffering itself, it is a willingness and a submission to accept the role of suffering in our walk with God, because we have come to a place of trusting that God is sovereign and trustworthy. The more we know God and learn to trust him, the deeper we desire to partake in the good he is bringing about. If we look at Jesus, even Jesus himself did not desire the pain of suffering, but chose to trust what God was doing and submitted himself to his will.

“Father if you are willing, let this cup be taken from me, but not my will but yours be done.” Matthew 26:39.

Hebrews 12:2 “For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning it’s shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Jesus deeply desired what God did, when he looked ahead to what was beyond the suffering, his thought was joy. When we understand that God uses suffering for our good and his glory, we too should be filled with joy when suffering comes our way, because we know that in his sovereignty he is bringing about good.

Romans 5:3-5 “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

When you love someone deeply, suffering becomes a willing participation. Our movies and culture are filled with it; the brave hero who lays down his life for his sweetheart; the soldier who dies for his friends. We praise it and something deep within us is stirred at its sombre beauty. But the reason we accept it, is because such a sacrificial action, could only come from a deep heart of love; one who so deeply loves the benefactor as to give up his very life in the most selfless act. We recognise that it is not the suffering itself we praise but the heart of love that it came from. We know that such an act could not come from a begrudging heart of guilt, a heart of fear or one who is trying to prove his worth to the person; after all he is not able to receive anything back from the person after he has died. He simply does so because he so deeply loves the person and desires their good at whatever cost he is able to give.

I believe that we should view suffering in the same way. If our suffering is to even out the scales of our sin, or to humbly submit because it must be God’s divine punishment, or to prove how brave of a Christian soldier we are; we have deeply missed the point. All of our actions and behaviour must flow from a heart that is in love with Jesus; one who has become transfixed by his beauty and in love with who he is and what he is about. Only then can our suffering become a joy, because our hearts have come into alignment with his, and our desires are becoming his desires.